Good: You finally laid your way to the top
Bad: Your best friend was fired from the job
Ugly: Her husband owns the company

Good: Your son finally got off drugs
Bad: He's doing 25 to life for dealing
Ugly: You had him arrested to feed your habit from his drugs

Good: I have forgotten what it was the trauma that caused my pain.

Bad: I have forgotten my name.

Ugly: There are people after me and I don't know why.

Good: I got to sleep in today

Bad: my baby didn't

Ugly: I can't get the black marker off the wall

Ok so you get the picture. Let's see what you can come up with!!!

~Amethyst

Ready

WHEN I LOOK INTO YOUR EYES I CAN SEE AN ETERNITY
IN A DISTANCE SO FAR ALMOST IN A BLUR IT'S YOU AND ME
WHILE IN YOUR ARMS I CAN FEEL WHOLE AGAIN
YOU FILL AN EMPTINESS SO DEEP I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT BEGAN
SOMEWHERE LOST INSIDE IS A PAIN SO INTENSE I CAN'T DENY
NEVER DOES IS WASH AWAY NOT EVEN WHEN I CRY
THEN YOU COME ALONG, ALL THATS LOST IS STARTING TO BE FOUND
PIECES OF ME SO BROKEN AND SHATTERED NO LONGER WERE THEY BOUND
ARE YOU A MIRACLE OR AN ANGEL SENT MY WAY
A GIFT TO HELP ME REBUILD WHAT I REALIZE WAS LOST ONE DAY
TO SAY YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME DOESN'T EVEN COMPARE
BUT WHEN I LOOK WAY INTO THE FUTURE I KNOW I WANT YOU THERE
WORDS CAN'T SAY WHAT EXACTLY YOU MEAN TO ME
BUT I AM READY TO GIVE MY HEART AND SOUL TO YOU COMPLETELY

© MICHELLE M. WHITE

Sitting alone when all's not bliss

When life is in pieces, shambles & bits

At the moment when you can't take anymore

And a skeleton knocks on your door

They say life's a bitch & then you die

Must have forgotten that in between you cry

That all your fears in life come out to haunt

And every emotion is one big taunt

Screaming hello is anyone there

Knowing it's in your head no one can hear

Seeing a mirror & wanting it to shatter

Wishing all along none of it mattered

Where did this cycle even begin

Why can't I see that it will end

Will life always be this way

Not wanting to have to face another day

Can life please get better then this

And can I have just one moment of bliss

© MICHELLE M. WHITE

Noticing

Missing you has become second nature to me
Now it is just another part of my reality
Living this way does something inside
It's not really good, my feelings I can't hide
Feeling like all your life is full head games
Brings to you bouts of major pain and shame
No one really listens when you talk anymore
My insides are eating at me, my soul has been torn
Who does this to themselves, I have to ask
Or was I even the one in charge of that task
Eyes that used to light up and brighten, open doors
No longer is the light there, You just don't notice anymore
They say the eyes are the doors to the soul, do you see it
When was the last time you looked, really looked, commit
You can't do it can you? It's just not in your nature. Was it ever?
I remember being young, stupid and saying love lasts forever
It doesn't, It dies, Like rotting flesh until you can't stand the smell
How ironic we have created our own living hell
Does it even matter anymore to any of us
I laugh, as I lie to myself and say that it must

© Michelle M White

Nothing

As I sit and wonder what is true and what is not
I realize nothing is or was what I thought
How do you do those things you do
Don't pretend you don't know, that I'm talking about you
How come, how long, how far, how, just how
I laugh at my own stupidity as I look back now
Can you hear it? The hysterical laughter?
Listen closely, you won't hear it for long after
Stop asking questions and listen to what I said
Think long & hard, the answer will pop into your head
You can't figure me out yet, can you?
How much longer will you let this continue?
You were warned, I've told you from the beginning
Why is it that looking back no one seen the ending?
I need you, I don't, I do, No I really don't
You want me, you stay, you pretend, for long you won't
Who deserves this? You or me? Others?
Am I the only one who is starting to feel smothered?
The more I write this, the more pissed off I am
Knowing that tomorrow I will do this again
Psychosis? Insanity? Self deprivation?
I feel like I need a permanent vacation.
Does that thought scare you or do you call my bluff
What that one sentence says, it's more than enough
Why can't I stop there, why must I go on
I already know the outcome, already picked my songs
This feeling isn't isolated, others have felt the same
Living a life like mine is like playing a hunters game
Warnings & whispers, Screams & lies
You should have stopped talking and heard my cries
It's all been about you, always you, you're so dead inside
Your feelings left so long ago, you no longer have to hide
Now I feel it, it's like a disease, It's starting to spread
I finally know that feeling of rather being dead
No I'm lying, I've felt it before
But, never did I picture my blood on the floor
I can see it now, almost as art,  a lifeless bloody form
My life, my cycle, my choice, I'm torn

© Michelle M. White

NO ONE LISTENS

ANGER FELT THAT'S SO EXTREME

EMOTIONS ESCAPED ONLY IN MY DREAMS

FEELINGS I HAVE YET TO EXPRESS

SIGNS YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO BLINDLY DISMISS

TALKING AND SEARCHING GETTING NO WHERE

I SIT AND WONDER HOW I ENDED HERE

DOES ANY OF THIS MATTER ANYMORE

HOW MANY TIMES HAS THIS BEEN SAID BEFORE

LIVING A LIFE OF COMPLETE ISOLATION

ALWAYS MOMENTS OF COMPLETE IRRITATION

PAST ECHOES OF SCREAMING STILL EXIST

ALL IS SILENT YET STILL NOT MISSED

I CAN HEAR IT, WHY CAN'T YOU

STILL SO LOUD LIKE A BOMB THAT BLEW

SOMETIMES SILENCE IS WORSE THAN WORDS

HOLDING BACK WHILE MOVING FORWARD

TWO LIVES NO LONGER INTERTWINED

NEVER A MOMENT TO CALL DIVINE

© MICHELLE M. WHITE

Things are going black
Life is slowing fading
Sadness creeps in
My heart has no shading

Feeling a loss full of pain
Wondering if life should go on
How can I feel this way
Moments of just wanting to be gone

When did this happen to me
How can I ever be the same
Is this my life for real
Full of heartache and pain

Wanting to end it now
Knowing that I lack the strength
All this sounds so crazy
Yes I can hear what you think

Pieces of me just ripped apart
Like a puzzle that you just can't complete
My mind is different from yours
My mistakes I tend to repeat

Learning life's lessons isn't for me
I am stubborn to the end
How can you begin to understand
I am something you can never mend

Yet you stick around and try to find
Something anything that might make sense
Good luck to you my friend
In the end it makes no difference

© MICHELLE M. WHITE

It's Near

I reach for you and you're not there

In my dreams you're everywhere

Is this the love you can't be without

I fill the emptiness without a doubt

This fire you have stroked deep inside

All these emotions from you I can't hide

A weight has been lifted off my heart

I feel as if I am getting a brand new start

I love you so much that words can't explain

And my body responds and wants you with no shame

Your lips, your hands and your breath all over me

I want so much more and only you can see

You reach deep down inside my soul

Touching parts of me no one else knows

You've got me now, I'm all yours

All thats left now is closing some doors

© Michelle M. White

Whispers heard across a moon lit place
Shadows of extacy and longing dance on your face
Two lovers so close yet so far apart
Looking in each others eyes, tells what is in our hearts
Our lips meet and passion ignites an explosion
How far we can push each other is unknown
Reach out and take what you want and need from me
Because I will consume you, watch and see
Mouths touching, hands caressing and bodies shaking with need
Souls colliding, demanding and responding with greed
Danger is what lurks behind these emotions
But, I'm not scared if you promise to never go again

© Michelle M. White

If you only knew

If you only knew

That not long ago my life no longer mattered

My soul was withered and I was dying

And a part of me had shattered

If you only knew

That I was so sad and my life was turning blue

How I just wanted out and to be gone from here

And how subconsiously I searched for you

If you only knew

How inside you have taken the time to help heal me

Given me back something that's been missing

And through your eyes I can see life more sweetly

If you only knew

That in bed I lay and think of you each night

In my dreams there is a forever with us

And when I awake in the morning it's with delight

If you only knew

How the touch of your lips makes me feel

The way I hold my breath and wait

That what's between us is more then real

If you only knew

How my body craves to be with yours

I can close my eyes and feel and see

That you make me want so much more

If you only knew

That inside I have alwys loved you deeply

How I denied myself you for so long

But from now on I'm yours completely

© Michelle M. White

CRAVINGS

IT'S CRAZY, SO INSANE

THIS CRAVING I HAVE EVERYDAY

WANTING SOMETHING SO FAR AWAY

YEARNING FOR ALL I CAN'T HAVE TODAY

WANTING SO BAD IT HURTS REAL DEEP

CAN'T EVEN FORGET WHEN I AM ASLEEP

DREAMING FOR WHAT CAN'T EVER BE MINE

WHY COULDN'T THIS BE PART OF THE DESIGN

NEEDING & WANTING SO I CAN'T BREATHE

ONLY ONE THING CAN FULLFILL THIS AWFUL NEED

ANGER, RESENTMENT, JEALOUSLY & MORE

CRAVING, ACHING & DEMANDING MORE THEN BEFORE

UNABLE TO FIGHT THE RESTRAINTS THAT SURROUND

IF THIS DON'T END SOON I KNOW THAT I'LL DROWN

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN, THIS HORRIBLE DELIGHT

SOMEONE HELP ME, I NEED IT EVEN MORE TONIGHT

© MICHELLE M. WHITE

Burning

Miles and circumstances separate two hearts

Voices heard from a distance is only the start

One day soon my love, all will be right

I have dreamt of it night after night

To be loved and love deeply in return

Thinking of you, my body starts to burn

To feel your kiss and so much more

Two bodies colliding demanding each soul to the core

I can't express what you truly do to me

All I know is I want to be with you through eternity

Can I have this? Something so special

These are questions to which the answers I don't know

One thing is certain, I want to try

Being without you, I sit here and cry

© Michelle M. White

I sit here and think of what could be, not what might have been

Decisions eat at my sanity and make me go crazy

Voices are all around me screaming at me, demanding

How to take that step and twist in another direction

I’m baffled as I watch all the stairs that keep moving towards me, away from me

I am told to jump, run, hide or sit alone in my isolation

My self made hell full of wrong choices, despair

Is this love, hate or complete selfishness

The answers are on the stairs and I can’t reach just one

To jump on one I have to touch all of them, relive it all

It’s a maze and one wrong move and you will die, emotionally

Can I be saved or am I not worth it

The inside of me is turning so cold

Like frostbite that hurts so bad you can’t think or breathe

They are all there, I can feel them watching me

Waiting for me to fail, satisfaction is what they seek

The lives of the innocent rests in my hands

Again I feel anguish and shame as I look deep inside

There is excitement and happiness buried somewhere too

It can’t find it’s way to me and help, it’s hidden and locked away

The voices come back, taunts and invitations are shouted, encouraged

The tears want to fall but there is no longer emotion, death is coming

Death of who I was, am, could be

© Michelle M. White